You Know Your a Drunken Idiot When
by GravityNeko
Summary: Sometimes its not wise to put two Jedi-who use to be Rogues-in a room with a bottle of brandy...and eachother.
1. And so the idiocy begins

Star Wars Swear Words Glossary

Kriff: F***

Stang: Damn

**.**

Corran Horn poured his friend another drink. "Sooo what do you think of my idea?"

Luke, slumped down slightly in his seat, looked at Corran through bleary eyes.

"What idea?"

"Oh, c'mon…Don't tell me you haven't contemplated it?"

He poured himself a shot of Corellian Brandy.

The Grand Master frown.

"Horn…stop talking in riddles and spit it out. I have no idea in the Nine Corellian Hells what you're talking about."

"What Valin mentioned."

Luke stared at him, still confused.

"About my girl Jysella and your boy Ben."

Luke did his best to roll his eyes. He failed miserably.

"You're not serious, Corran."

"I am serious."

"That's ridiculous." Luke stated and grabbed his mug of hot chocolate.

"Why not? Your boy has a crush on my girl, so why not?"

"I said, it was ridiculous."

"No, think about it. We could be in-laws someday."

Luke made a face.

"I don't think that would work out."

Corran made one in return. "And why in the black void not!"

"Simple. One Corellian in the family is all I can take."

His friend scoffed, his slurring very evident. "That's the lamest excuse ever." He threw back the brandy and then slammed it back down. "You really have to think of something better than THAT."

"Oh, come now, Corran. You and me in-laws. The Skywalkers and the Horns."

"Don't you want grandchildren?"

"Not any time soon, no."

"You're better off with some now." He smirked. "Before you get too feeble to play with them."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Luke erupted, slamming his own mug down.

"Sure is! Your brains obviously rotted in your old age!" He puffed out his chest. "My Jysella is perfect for Ben. They get along very well don't they?"

"That's because Jysella sees Ben as a little brother, you know that."

"No, Valin said Ben hit on her."

Luke sighed heavily. Arguing with a Corellian was tiresome and fruitless, he thought to himself.

"Ben's still taking Vestara's betrayal bad…he wouldn't even be trying to form another relationship at this point."

"And why not?" Corran leapt to his feet, stumbling slightly. He used his hands to brace himself on the table. "You saying somethin's wrong with my girl?"

The Grand Master, indignant, staggered to his own feet. "Now, you're putting words in my mouth."

"No, I'm stating the truth." He stumbled grabbing the back of his chair to keep himself from falling. "YOU think my girl's not good enough for your boy."

"Oh, now, you're just being a blowhard. Your blasted Corellian ego getting in the way!"

"Then what…"

"She's-she's too old for Ben."

"That's your argument!" Corran said incredulously. "Too old." He pursed his lips. "I bet if _he _was older that wouldn't be problem."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"The old double standard." He waved his hand around carelessly. "You think _you_ of all people, wouldn't stoop so low as to use that."

Luke rolled his eyes. "That is beside the point."

"What _is _the point then? Oh, right, you think my girl's not good enough."

"And once again you're wrong."

"I'm not. Plus I think they'd have some nice kids."

"Kids…Are you listening to yourself?"

"Well, unlike some people I want grandchildren."

Luke snorted. "You know, usually the father is a little more resistant with his daughter."

"You're boy's a good catch so why not?"

"And here you said that I thought my son was too good for your daughter."

"No, you said that. Personally, Ben is a very intelligent young man…"

Luke remained quiet for a bit.

"Luke?"

"Jysella is a very intelligent young lady—and a great Jedi Knight." He conceded.

"Thank you."

"And very beautiful."

"And?"

"What more can I say?"

"She has more attributes than that."

"Oh, come on now. Can't we drop this?" He asked, exasperated.

"Not until you name some more things."

"I am _not _going any further with this."

"Fine." The Corellian plopped back down in his chair.

"Plus," Luke said after awhile "The thought of having Booster Terrik as an in-law is…."

Corran grinned.

"Is?"

Luke frowned. "No, I'm not even going to finish that."

"Oh, c'mon." Corran poured more liqueur into Luke's hot chocolate. "You can't stop there..."

"No." Luke hedged stubbornly.

"You're such a hard-head."

"And you're an egoist."

A voice interjected into their conversation: "What are you doing?"

Corran and Luke turned drunkenly and stared at Valin Horn.

He looked down at the decanter of brandy sitting on the table and at his father's empty shot glass.

"You're drunk." He exclaimed wide-eyed. He then glanced at the man who was the leader of the Jedi Order. "What have you done!"

Corran tilted his head. "What?"

"He's drunk." Valin gestured toward Luke. "How could you-?" He sighed, slightly disgusted and turned around. "Mom and Grandpa Booster have got to see this." He grinned.

"Now, don't go gettin' your mother." Corran protested and attempted to rise, but flopped back down for his efforts.

Valin left the room without as much as a backward glance.

"Aw, geez…Mirax is like a nexu."

Luke took a drink of his brandy-laced hot chocolate.

"You should count yourself lucky, Horn." He said snippily. "At least you _have _Mirax. Never take her for granted."

Corran winced.

Yes, wives were a sore subject with his friend—having lost his wife several years earlier due to machinations of his Jedi-turned-Sith nephew, Jacen Solo.

"You know what I would give to have Mara with me." Tears entered his voice. "Anything, Corran..."

"Stang." He swore.

Just then Mirax Terrik-Horn and Booster Terrik entered, led by his son, Valin. "See what did I tell you-"

"Stang." Corran swore again.

"Why is he crying?" Valin demanded. He turned to his mother, "He was _not _crying. Drunk, but not crying."

"Corran Horn, what did you do?" Mirax demanded to know, hands propped on her hips.

"Eh..."

"Eh, is not an answer, Corran."

Booster grunted. "What can I say? Just as I told you, darling, your husband is an idiot. Grown man, getting the _Grand Master _of the Order stinkin' drunk. Shameful."

"Now, just one second, Booster!" Corran lurched to his feet. "Don't you go pinnin' this all on me." He stabbed a finger in Luke's direction. "It's _his _fault."

Booster rolled his eyes. "Oh, really. Now, what could our benevolent Grand Master done to deserve getting drunk?"

"If he would just admit—the hard-head—that his son would be lucky to kiss the ground Jysella walked on, I wouldn't have needed to get him drunk."  
Luke actually snorted. "You got me drunk WAY before we started having that idiotic conversation."

"Are you calling me an idiot, Skywalker?" Corran slurred.

He turned his head away. "I'm not going to even dignify that with an answer." He said dismissively.

Valin, Booster, and Mirax looked on in astonishment. Mirax had never seen her husband act so pig-headed, while Booster couldn't recall Luke Skywalker to ever be so cantankerous. Valin was beside himself.

"What in Palpatine's black bones is going on in here?" called out Jysella Horn.

She entered the room, pushing past her mother, grandfather, and brother.

Jysella took in the sight.

"Dad? Master Skywalker?"

Corran hiccupped.

"Hey, sweetheart."

She narrowed her eyes. "What have you been up to?" He looked at Luke, noticing the way the Grand Master's eyes were unfocused. "Why is he drunk?"

"Well, ya see..."

"Save it, Dad!"

"If you'd just let me explain…See…Luke and I were having a spirited debate about your future."

"My future?"

Luke spoke up, "Oh, is that what it's called now?"  
"Shut it, Skywalker, no one asked you!" He sniped back.

Luke propped a hand against his cheek. "Oh, go blow it out your exhaust nacelle, Horn."

Jysella's jaw dropped. Now, she'd heard and seen everything! She shook her head.

"I can't believe how you two idiots are behaving!" She said loudly. "You're Jedi Masters for kriff's sake."

"Jysella.." Mirax exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Mom, but they're both behaving like testosterone driven males having a pissing contest." She frowned unhappily, arms crossed over her chest. "I expect better from both of them…But Master Skywalker especially!"

"It's hardly his fault."

She ignored her mother. "Dad…next time you want to get yourself drunk and have a stupid argument over who I'm going to marry, DON'T. I told you Ben and I are just friends. He's like my little brother."

"What's going on in here?' another voice inquired.

Ben Skywalker pushed his way through the crowd and goggled at the sight before him. "What's going on?" He turned to his father. "Dad?"

"You dad and mine started to have a "debate" over whether we're going to marry."

"Oh."

"They're both loony." She flipped her hand. "_You _deal with them, I'm too disgusted." Jysella stormed off.

"Sella!" Valin called after his sister. He threw a backward glance to the two inebriated Masters and followed after her.

"Wow," Ben laughed. "This is…"

"It's not funny at all." Mirax was made out of steel.

"Sure it is." He snickered. "This deserves to be holo-recorded." He tossed her a mischievous smile. "It's not every day you see my dad fall-down drunk."

"I have kept on my feet, thank you." Luke stated.

Ben looked his father over, eying the mug. "You keep drinking whatever you've been swilling and that'll change real quick..."

He walked over and held out his arm.

"What's that?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "It's an arm, Dad. I'm trying to help you up."

Luke frowned.

"You need to sleep this off, before you fall asleep in the dining hall."

His father seemed to think about this for a moment.

"You don't want to the students to see you, do you?"

"Of course not."

"Then..." Ben tucked his shoulder under his father's under arm. "Up we go." He slowly hauled Luke to his feet, the Jedi Master stumbling a bit. "Stang, Dad! Dead weight much? Help out."

"Good luck."Corran poured himself another shot.

"Shut it, Corran," Mirax snapped. "This is your entire fault."

**.**

**.**

**A/N: *chuckles* Oh boy…well hope you enjoyed that..you know what to do if you did.**


	2. Aftermath of Stupidity

**A/N; Here it is..the second and final installment. **

**.**

**.**

"Dad, wake up."

Luke Skywalker groaned as the harsh light entered his retinas. He shoved his head under the pillow and made a protest, flipping his hand and sealing the blinds once more.

Ben sighed and walked over to yank the covers off his father.

"Up and at 'em, Dad." He snapped, leaving no room for argument. "The sooner you get up the sooner you'll feel better."

"Somehow I very much doubt that," Luke mumbled from under his pillow. "Ben…please go away…I feel as if a Bantha's stomping on my head..."

His son sighed. "Just look at you…"

His father curled himself into a fetal position, tucking his face against his knees to shield his eyes from the light as Ben opened the blinds once more.

"You are so cruel." He moaned.

"I can't believe you allowed that even to happen." He tossed the pillow across the room.

"But, it's his entire fault." Luke groaned.

"Dad…" Ben was trying to be understanding. "You should know better than this. I mean, call me barvy, but I thought you were a grown man—and you've always told me that grown men should be responsible for their own actions and not shift the blame to others." Ben turned and placed his hands on his hips. "Or were you lying?"

Luke's body then bolted up and a sick-looking green pallor tinted his face. Ben, seeing this, scooped up a wastebasket and slammed it down next to the bed. Just in time too; for Luke leaned over the bed and wretched in it. The sinking sound of vomit hitting the bottom of it made Ben cringe as the smell wafted up.

"Lovely." He muttered.

Ben stood back arms folded over his chest until Luke finished. His father picked his head up and pulled himself back into bed, and flopped onto his back, moaning.

His resolve softened. He wanted to be mad at his father—Luke had acted so irresponsibly. But it was apparent he was quite sick from it. He sighed and sat down on the bed next to his dad. He began to stroke his father's forehead—just as Luke had done when Ben was sick.

"You're an idiot..." He whispered to his father.

Ben stood up then and said, "I'm going to go make you some broth."

Luke shook his head.

"You'll feel better."

"I'll just toss it up."

"I'm making some." He insisted.

A hand snagged his pants.

"Not yet, my head hurts." Luke repeated. "Could you get some painkillers for me? They're in the medicine cabinet."

"Sure, but I'm not sure how much it's going to actually help."

"Just get it please. Don't forget the water too."

Ben got the painkillers and filled up a glass of with water, returning to his father a few moments later. He found Luke sitting up in bed, his legs crossed, hair mussed with his face still looking pale.

He passed the pills and water to his father and watched as Luke tossed them both back. After he was done, he handed the glass back to Ben and groaned once more, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

"I feel..." Luke stopped, his body wrenching up as if he was about to vomit again. "Like…poodo." He covered his hand over his mouth. "Blast that Corran."

"You look..."

Luke shot his son a look of warning.

"Super." He finished lamely. "You look super."

His father scowled. "Don't lie to me, Ben. I know very well I look horrid."

"Okay, you look like utter poodo. Satisfied?"

"Not very."

Ben made a strangled noise of frustration.

"That wasn't very nice to say to me when I'm feeling this way."

"You told me to..." He let out a snort of disgust. "Nevermind." Ben waved Luke off then turned to face the other way.

He clasped his hands together as if a prayer and beseeched, "Force, give me the strength to endure this. My father is being incredibly hard-headed at the moment and is generally stubborn most of the time. I fear this frustration will be the end of me."

"Oh, cut the drama, Ben."

"See," He sighed melodramatically. "He is a harsh task-master…Woe is I."

Luke climbed back into bed, tugging his cover on after him.

"If you're going to persist in making fun, go fetch me that broth."

"Geez, you're awful cranky." He shrugged. "All right, I'm going. Insufferable."

"I heard that." Luke's voice was muffled by his mattress.

**.**

**.**

Corran Horn sat in the café late that morning, groaning, dark spectacles covering his eyes. He had his head ducked against his arms. It hurt, it hurt a lot…He couldn't stand the light.

His caf lay untouched.

Those old wives' tales lied! There was no cure for a hangover, he should have remembered that!

"Well, well..." His daughter's voice pierced his brain.

Corran groaned once more. This was the last thing he needed.

"This is the Force's way of telling you you're an idiot, Dad."

"Go 'way."

"I don't think so."

Corran looked up at Jysella through bloodshot eyes; she had her arms crossed over her chest, beaming with satisfaction. She was reveling in his drunken state. She was too much like her mother.

"Just what did you think you were doing last night?" She inquired testily.

"It's not even the whole future thing. It's the fact that you got yourself stinkin' drunk and fighting with Master Skywalker over something so dumb." She took a breath. "Dad…Ben and I are ages apart… He's like a little brother."

"I know."

"Then why were you arguing about it?"

"Don't know. Must've been the brandy talking."

Jysella heaved a sigh. "Mom always said that you get stupid with liquor in you. Of course she also said she didn't know a Corellian male that didn't act stupid when drunk."

She frowned.

"Well, don't you have anything to say?"

"Like what?"

"That you're very sorry you made an arse out of yourself over nothing."

"Why would I…" Corran froze at the look his daughter wore.

"You should be mortified by your own behavior." Jysella snapped. "I am." She stomped around. "You're a Jedi Master, and you're behaving as if you're still in Rogue Squad."

"Darling, up till the Vong War I was in Rogue Squad."

"And that was eighteen years ago, Dad! Grow up." She plopped down beside him. "In case, you haven't noticed…I'm not nine-years old anymore."

"Yeah..I know." He looked to her. "Could you get me an ice pack?"

"Ice pack?"

"For my head."

"Dad, you know that never works." At Corran's pathetic look, Jysella sighed, "Fine."

She went to the kitchen and came back with the pack. She placed it down in front of him. "Here."

Corran took it and placed it over his head, still groaning.

"Dad…you should know Ben and I are too far apart in age. He's not really my type even if he wasn't, anyway."

"Why not?"

"Too short."

Corran left out a brief laugh then stopped when his head began to throb. "Ow…Wait, till Skywalker hears that."

Jysella frowned.

"Luke has always been conscious about his height."

"Master Skywalker's height is average for a man." She commented, confused.

"Try telling him that." He placed the pack on the table. "You go telling him the reason you'd turn down his boy is because he's "too short"."

"Oh, Master Skywalker, is bigger than that."

He snickered, "That has yet to be seen."

"Dad..." She glared at him for a moment. "Besides, you're shorter than he is, so I wouldn't laugh if I were you."

"By two lousy feet." Her father muttered.

"It doesn't matter. It's not just the height. His personality…It doesn't mesh with mine."

"Wait, this is about me isn't it." Corran interjected.

"What!"

"The reason you don't want anyone 'too short'. It's because of your old man isn't it?"

She groaned. "Dad, we were talking about Ben. Focus!"

"What were we talking about again?"

"Ben."

"Oh, yeah…now what's wrong with his personality again?"

"Well, I don't suppose there's anything wrong with it per se." She got up, gnawing on her lip. "But…I just couldn't see it happened… Even if we were the right age… we treat each other like siblings. He's a friend." She took her father's hand.

"I think we're the only one's he has, which is strange given the age gap. Ben was born during a time when not many children were. He doesn't really have many friends." She smiled. "Sometimes I question why he likes hanging around me and Valin."

"You're family to him, I guess."

"I guess." She took on a hard look. "Well, I'm off. Happy hangover, Dad."

"So cruel, 'Sella."

"As Master Skywalker would say, compassion is for those who deserve it." At her father's expression Jysella laughed while exiting the room.

**.**

Jysella passed Ben halfway down the hallway.

"Going to get dad some broth." He explained with a small smile.

"Not doing any better, is he?"

"Nope. Sicker than a dog. Haven't seen him this bad even when he's depleted all his strength. He's all green."

"Well," She shrugged. "Good luck...Let's hope they learn."

"Hope so."

**.**

**.**

Ben and Jysella watched from the wing as the two Jedi Master's held their heads, trying to shut off the outside worlds as their heads pounded; the light obviously making it worse.

"They're….really a bunch of idiots." Ben commented.

"They are." She agreed. "But they're our idiots—our dads." She grinned at Ben. "If we don't take care of them, who else is going to?"

"No one."

"Exactly. Mom's pretty peeved at dad…"

Ben smiled. "I can almost see mine…Man, she'd be livid...but mostly disgusted." He chuckled. "You know, I just realized my dad's kind of a light-weight."

"What gave it away?" Jysella joked.

"The glazed look in his eyes and his disheveled robes. He's always tried to be all neat and proper."

She smiled. "Yes, that's our sainted leader."

"Did you say anointed…? 'Cause I think he's anointed enough given last night..." He was grinning as he said this.

Jysella rolled her eyes.

"And dad wonders why I said your personality didn't mess with mine?"

Ben frowned. "What's wrong with my personality? Word is I'm quite dashing and funny."

She shook her head. "Nope. I am **not** getting into this with you." The older Knight turned on her heel.

"Why not?"

"Just drop it, Ben."

"Aw, c'mon, if I'm lacking in some way, perhaps you can give me some pointers."

"Ben…"

"Or if that isn't feasible," He grinned. "Maybe, you can tell me what you **do **like in a guy. I can help. Ben Skywalker…the doctor of love."

"The only thing you have a degree in is being a smart-mouth." Jysella mumbled.

"It's not that bad…" Ben dismissed. "Some people find sarcasm quite cute, you know. How do you think my mom snagged by dad?"

"I heard that she stunned and drugged him. Some sort bounty or something..." She raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, no hitting below the familial belt." Ben gave a displeased look.

She stopped and turned toward him. "You started it. If you can't finish it, don't start it."

He glared at her down his nose. "You know, I'm starting to doubt you'll get married..." A slight twitch came to his lips. "Your personality isn't any prize either."

"Hmm." She smiled slightly.

"What?"

"You've just proven my point."

Jysella turned back around and started walking again.

"Wait. Proven what?"

"Figure it out, Ben, you're a smart boy."

"I'm not a boy!" He hollered indignantly. "I'm eighteen-kirffin' years old."

"See, getting mad over that just proves you are still a boy."

A tinkling laugh drifted back to him..

Ben flushed, unable to speak, and watched as Jysella vanished from sight.

**.**

**.**

_Fin_


End file.
